25 New Yorker Insights Learned in Undressed by Avery Aster
- Your vagina can take a guy’s shaft and nuts…at the same time.
- Always name your butt plug after Anderson Cooper.
- Pre-ejaculation while jetting a plane over Italy causes turbulence.
- Never let a dog sleep in your bed, especially three dogs. It’ll ruin your sex life.
- If he’s as hung as an Evian bottle, it’s best to look away.
- Always retain the legal services of female lawyers, particularly ones named; Sarah Goldbaum and Hannah Goldstein.
- Never allow your mother to spend your line of credit on a psychic from the Caribbean.
- Sexual frustration leads to good business practices, enough to earn three hundred million dollars.
- If Bergdorf’s, Barney’s and Saks Fifth Avenue reject your upcoming fashion collections try selling it to JCPenny’s.
- Use your American Express reward points wisely.
- Bellini cocktail consumption will induce foot fetishes.
- Swedish Fish, Now & Later, and Gummy Bears from Dylan’s Candy Bar are perfect for your fuck-it bucket.
- Everyone should be so lucky to have a best friend like Taddy Brill.
- Never drive a Ford Thunderbird off a cliff thinking you’re Thelma & Louise.
- Stay away from any woman named Scilla or Ottavia.
- Wearing Tory Burch ballet flats while racing a sports car may cause ones clitoris to hum.
- Think twice before sitting Lady Gaga and Madonna next to one another at your fashion show.
- Prada and a condom, when worn together, are known to make bisexual men go bonkbuster cra-cra.
- Altering a vintage Valentino dress, formerly worn by socialite Nati Abascal, may land you on the red carpet.
- We should all get fucked in Fendi.
- When in love, you can have as many orgasms as you like…in one day!
- Slow dancing to Giuseppe Verdi enhances one’s emotional state.
- Never argue with your lover in public, above all—never in front of Anna Wintour, Marc Jacobs, or Karl Lagerfeld.
- Playing Simon Says, in bed, may lead one to reveal their true feelings. So will strip dancing in front of him to the song Girls, Girls, Girls by Mötley Crüe.
- And finally, he must always say, “I love you,” first.
Avery will be awarding a 6-month membership to Dylan's Candy Bar Candy of the month Club to one randomly drawn commenter. In the novel, the heroine makes herself Fuck-it Buckets which are candy filled buckets from Dylan’s Candy bar (or any candy store) when she's stressed out. Follow the tour for more chances to win!